seventeen forever.

We're one mistake from being together
but let's not ask why it's not right.
You won't be seventeen forever
and we can get away with this tonight.
-Metro Station

a simple song about rebelling, right?
wrong.

the way i look at it is the crazy and, let's face it, annoying Trace Cyrus and the wonderful Mason Musso telling us an important thing.

you're in a stage of being a kid. where you can get away with most things.
you can balme it on immaturity or ignorance [not the greatest excuses, but people go for it].
but the second you hit 18, things change.
life changes.

you way wake up on your eighteenth birthday and say "i don't feel any different than i did yesterday" and i do that too.

but even though you might feel the same from the last night you're seventeen to the first morning you're eighteen, something HAS changed.

you can drink alcohol in most places.
you can be tried as an adult and go to real jail verses going to juvie.
you can only be intimately involved with a person over eighteen.
you can live alone.
you can get married without parental consent.
you can get piercings and tatoos without parental consent.
you can smoke.

now does that sound like nothing has changed?

i think Metro Station hit something very important with this song, whether they meant to or not.

you're not going to be a kid forever.

so appreciate it you while your innocence is still in tact and you are still a carefree kid.

because once you hit eighteen, adios!

you're going to college.
moving out.
getting a job.
paying bills.
living alone.
all that fun stuff.

so while we may not be seventeen forever; living in teen world and being classified as a kid.
take advantage of the time.

me? i'm going to be eighteen in four years.

long time? kinda.

in a hurry? hell no.

my life would suck without you.

dear blog readers,

i'm not perfect.
there are so many things about me that are so far from perfect:

i'm judgemental.
i honestly sometimes lose sleep at night because i KNOW i hurt someone by being so judgemental and i KNOW it made them feel bad. although they might be stuck with the memory; i'm stuck with the guilt.

i can be mean.
i have previously made people feel TERRIBLE and i have to live with that.

i'm hypocritical.
everyone is at some point, get over it.

now after accepting i am all of these things about myself, i sometimes ask the question "why?"
"why did God make me like this?"
"why would he want someone like ME walking around the earth?"

and then it hit me (rather, it KICKED me).
i met the one person out there who counters my bad faults.
the phrase oppsoites attract; simple right?
well this one will hurt your brain: we are exactly alike, and yet two completely different people.

now stay with me.
in some ways, we are "twins", as some people call us.
but she is so different than i am.
she keeps me under control.
she is the yin to my yan.

when i am judgemental, she is accepting.
when i am hypocritical, she is genuine.
when i am cruel, she is caring and kind.
when i am being cynical, she is dreaming.
when i am being pessimistic, she is positive.
when i am taking things as a joke, she is serious.

but when i'm running through the snow barefoot, she's right there with me.
when i'm getting attacked by a swan, she's running and screaming ten feet in front of me.
when i'm singing a ridiculous song, she's harmonizing.
when i'm laughing at a fail of a movie (let's just use 1000 BC as an example), she's laughing her butt off on the floor in below me.
when i'm robbing a bank and going to jail, she's waiting at the station paying my bail most likely laughing at me for getting caught.

the point is, this entire post is dedicated to her.
the one who knows me better than i know myself.
the one who keeps me from making the world such a dark place.
the one who not only sees me, but sees multiple sides of me.
the one who, let's be honest here, puts up with me.

because i am so thankful of her existence in this world.
i honestly can't picture my life without her.
and honestly, i would probably vow to never see the world outside the four walls of my bedroom if she ever left me.

and i know that i don't even deserve her.
she deserves a saint as her best friend.
because she is the best thing that has ever happened to me.

let me put it this way, you all know i'm messed up.
well me WITHOUT her would be worse by ten fold; trust me.

the bottom line? i'm thankful.

so thank you Thea Nicole Hickey.
just for being alive.
<3

change.

change.
good or bad?

my opinion? it's a grey area.

there's bad change (maybe you have deicded your life is REALLY so pathetic that you feel as though you have to COPY someone else to be able to get any sleep at night; yes. i'm talking to YOU.)
there's good change (maybe you actually develop a life of your own instead of constantly trying to copy someone else's; and you KNOW who you are.)
and then there's okay change (you actually REALIZE something from this constant message of "back off; it's HER LIFE, NOT YOUR'S!" and are at least TRYING to stop [even though i hate trying sometimes; do it or don't, pick one!])

now this might seem random ("dude, there's some chick on the computer ranting about change.")
well it's not.

i know a lot of things in life that need to change.

i know a lot of PEOPLE in life that need to change.

for instance, the issue i'm stressing SO FREAKIN' MUCH I'M A LITTLE SHOCKED SOME OF YOU ARE SO ILL-WITTED TO NOT CATCH ON TO; stop stealing a person's identity.

we've all heard of identity theft; the stealing of someone's social security number and ID and pretending to be them.

well here's the adolescent version; A PERSON WHO CLEARLY HAS NO LIFE WHATSOEVER AND THAT UNDERSTANDS HOW TRUELY PATHETIC THEY REALLY ARE AND WHO FEEL IT NECESSARY TO TRY TO STEAL EVERYTHING AWAY FROM A PERSON WHO HAS DONE NOTHING BUT TRY TO HELP YOU ALL ALONG.

because those people need to change and they need to change fast.
because no likes a wanna-be and the sooner you learn that the sooner i'll actually be able to call you a friend again in my heart rather than reluctantly giving you the title out of sympathy of realization that you will get NOWHERE in life unless you become your own person stat.

stop stealing other people's lives or take a hike, got it?
because of YOU, someone i know is on the verge of jumping, and if you push her off there will be HELL to pay.
count on that.

and to all of you reading who know me and are reading this going "whoa. whoever this is about is such an idiot. i wonder who that moron is."
guess what? odds it's you are VERY high. and odds i don't give a care in the world if you KNOW it's you are also high.
however odds that i'm willing to overlook this whole matter and welcome you back into my arms as a friend are getting slimmer and slimmer.
don't push it.
learn to ride a bike with two wheels. 'cause those training wheels are coming off a lot sooner than you think, and hunny; you're headed for a hill.

immaturity.

immaturity.

at some point in our lives we have been called "immature".
whether it be when we were eight and we all laughed if someone said "naked" or last week when your friend randomly flipped out at you and went all moody over absolutely nothing and you couldn't help thinking sarcastically "wow. you're mature. not."

now i'm not saying i'm mature.
granted, over the years i've learned when it's okay to act like a little kid who's just been let off those parent-walker leashes in the park and when you just have to push everything aside and grow up.
but to some people, that means nothing.

maturity is taking responisbility for your own actions.
maturity is brushing things off and not holding secret grudges about people.
maturity is standing on your own two feet instead of striving to be just like someone else; they WILL hate you and you WILL have no life of your own.
maturity is talking things out with people or even just that one person who understands you instead of bottling it up for fear of people knowing what you think or just for attention.
maturity is considering someone's feelings rather than you're own selfish bitchiness.
maturity is learning that looks aren't everything and that underneath the surface there's so much more than just a pretty face or a couple dozen zits.

now like i said, im not saying i'm not immature.
i don't do some of those good things and i DO do some of those bad things.

however, people who are TOO immature bug me.
the ones who say "icky".
the ones who go "ew!" at the end of a romance movie.
the ones who won't shut up when all you can hear is "blah blah blah" while they just trying to impress others.
i'm not saying that if you fall under those categories that i secretly hate you, because then i would have some self-hatred going-on.

but immaturity gets to me sometimes.
it's one of those things where you just look up to the heavens and ask "why?!"
because immature people need to grow up.
immature people who try to ACT mature need to stop.
and immature people who THINK they're mature need to shut up.
you're really not, okay?

hurt.

hurt.

a simple four-lettered word, right?
wrong.
it's so much more than that.
especially if it's on purpose.

to hurt someone, physically or mentally, is stupid and wrong.

i'm not perfect.
i have hurt people intentionally before and i usually regret it soon after.
the point of this isn't to point fingers and say "you're a horrible person, i'm wonderful."
no.

the point of this is to show you how much people hurt others.

instance one: dissing
i'm sorry to say i'm good at this one.
i've been "the queen of disses", as some put it a few years ago, for about two years.
sarcastic comments, dry humor, insulting comments; that's what i did and still do sometimes.
and i feel bad about it.
i'm not promising i'm stopping because i won't. sadly it's just who i am, but i've learned to control it most of the time.
however, some keep going.
they kick you, and kick you, and kick you until your breaking point and then pretend like nothing happened.
you're left in the dirt desperately grabbing your sides trying to stop the pain and bleeding and theyre out with they're "other friends".

instance two: ego
a word commonly thrown around between my friends.
however i don't think people understand how pain that word causes.
people think they're better than others everyday.
people think they have better things than others everyday.
people think they have better chances than others every. freaking. day.
egos suck.
people who put themselves above others by pushing them down are cold and will end up alone.

instance three: self-esteem
mine's not so wonderful.
i critisize myself constantly (see what i did right there?)
i always search for flaws (i have a zit, my bangs aren't perfectly straight, ect.)
but people who fish for compliments are a whole other situation.
people who complain about how low their self esteem is and are constantly complaining about their looks to large groups of people are just waiting for someone to say "oh no you're not!" or "are you kidding me? you're gorgeous!"
heads up; you're lucky we're here to fake that sympathy, cause you won't get that in life.

now what happens when you put these together?
you get a fight.

now, friends help you.
they drop everything they have just to help you with your screwed up, twisted life/problems.
some WAY more than others!
friends sit next to you at lunch and smile at you even when they really just want to slap you in the face and never talk to you again.
they stand by you.

however what friends DON'T do is purposefully and intentionally hurt you.
last time i checked, friendship-not even friendship but common courtesy!- was more important than petty thoughts.
if you're jealous of someone; suck it up. wanna know a secret? complaining about it and trying to take-over their life won't get you anywhere, hun. sorry!
if you want something that someone else has; odds that everyone will side with the other because she's not being a self-centered, egotistical bitch is so high pluto says hello.
if you you're being bitchy about something; heads up, they won't like you. it doesn't make them respect you and it doesn't make them like you, it makes everyone else hate you.
get it?

so next time you run around telling others to shut up, back off, step aside, watch out, bring it on, or any of that crap, remember who you're saying it to.
you're not telling off some horrible people; you're being an idiotic moron to the people who care about you and hurting them out of jealousy, pettiness, or anything else is stupid.

want a life lesson? how about the golden rule? treat others the way you want to be treated.
do YOU want to be hurt like that?
because i know i don't.
you're not impressing us by "standing up for yoursef", you're pushing us away with your attitude.

one of the boys.

one of the boys; doesn't sound so bad does it?
being around a bunch of guys, laughing and joking around without fearing what people are going to think of you...but it's not that fun.

but what happens when you fall for one of those guys...?

suddenly whenever he sits with someone else you get mad. when he picks his friend to be his partner instead of you, you're a bit hurt. when someone else sits next to you instead of him you want to stand up and yell "no! someone's sitting there!" when they haven't even walked in the door.

it's hard.

especially when you know that he will never see you for more than 'one of the guys'.

because when you tell a joke and he laughs, the same laugh is recycled moments later with another person. when he smiles at you, he uses the same smile to talk to the boy next to him in a few minutes. when you have an inside joke, he takes the time to explain it to his other friends so they can be in on the joke.

it just hurts when you're sitting there practically screaming "NOTICE ME!" and he's telling jokes with all of the other guys. and then you laugh. not a happy laugh like it's the funniest joke you've ever heard, but a forced laugh to cover up the fact you wish that someday he would look at you and see more than just 'one of the guys'.

imitation is the sincerest form of annoyance.

imitation (n) -the performance of the act whose stimulus is the observation of the act performed by another person.

in lamen's terms: copying someone else.

related topics: followers, wanna-be's, copycats, stooges.

life. it's a pretty broad topic don't you think? God has given all of us life to do what we please with it. make it our own. express ourselves. show who we really are.

now here's the confusing part. why on earth people are going to revolve their lives around what others do. i mean, what's in it for you? you get to claim that you and this person have the same interests? things in common?

what about the fact it's all a lie? it's not you. saying that you love a certain band, type of music, color, subject, whatever, isn't going to make people like you more and isn't going to get you anywhere except a world of confusion when someone asks you the question "who are you?".

if you don't really like a band, don't say you love them because someone else does; because you don't. if you have a different favorite color as someone else, don't say that they have that in common; because you don't. if you like a certain genre of music and someone else likes a different one, dont say you're into that music too; because you aren't.

when someone makes up a phrase, don't say it excessively like it was the pure creation of your mind. when two people make up something to call each other, don't take it and use it.

odds are in all of these scenarios the person you are stealing from likes that thing or made that phrase up because it's who they are. it's them expressing themselves.

people who imitate and copy others make it very hard for the people they're stealing from to be themselves. how can you honestly stand up and say "i love (insert thing here)" if someone else is going to just say "yeah me too!" and try to get closer to you that way?

you're living a lie. it's not you're life. it's not YOU.

so knock it off. i myself am not saying i've never done this, but i have recently noticed that everyone needs to stop. USE YOUR BRAINS. DON'T STEAL FROM SOMEONE ELSE'S.

people respect you when you're being yourself. people HATE YOU when you copy them.

stop being such a wanna-be for crying out loud and get some creative thought. no one likes it when you steal from them, and no one likes YOU when you steal from them. so stop.

it's gonna come back around.

it's gonna come back around.

don't you love those moments in life?
the ones where you're wondering "why? why me? what did i do?"
the answer; most likely nothing.

the superficial egotistical brats who run our schools, communities, ect. just apparently have nothing better to do with their lives than make ours living hell.
these are the years when you're trying to figure out who you are, what you want to do, and who you WANT to be. however, our thoughts are usually clouded by this thing called "bullying".

have you ever been sitting in class and your teacher brings up a point you have an opinion on and you look around only to be afraid of raising your hand in fear someone will laugh? the effect of bullying.

it's a dangerously over-looked subject to parents in which they tell us to "talk it out" or "tell to a teacher" when in fact if you do either you are either more of a loser or a snitch.

don't you love the way life works?
you try to branch out; they step on you. you try to be yourself; they crush your confidence. teens and young adults are becomming SCARED to be themselves in fear of others and it's wrong.

why do they do it? for kicks? or for the fact that their lives are so boring and juvenile and consist of an empty future that has them so scared, they're desperately searching for something to take their minds off their obvious empty abyss of a life?

my guess? the second.

the world behind my wall.

here i go.

anyone know the song? tokio hotel? amaazing.

this is my first post, so it's not really full of a lot of interest, but just you wait.
so much to say and so much to share.
this is really going to show how i really think and feel, so if you're in for a heck of a ride.
no holds.
no exceptions.

buckle up buttercup.